Today’s guest post is by one of my great blogger friends, Pam Petrie.Pam blogs at Troop Petrie. Today, she shares her experience candidly, and teaches a valuable lesson….
I was going into my freshman year of… well that’s not important. I was dating a nice guy. My cousin was visiting for the summer and my mom said I could only go out if I found her a date. So my date’s best friend went out with her. They hit it off and we had several double dates.
At the end of the summer I had broke up with my date. My cousin was still dating his friend and it was not going well. After breaking his heart, she went home. His poor heart was broken and it killed me. I cannot stand to see anyone in pain.
The short of the story is that we started dating. We dated for 2 years. I loved that I was dating a senior, I loved that I was dating a football player. I loved that I was dating a Christian young man. I loved that someone loved me long term.
But see sometimes love is not enough. We argued constantly. He came from a conservative Christian home and had a amazing childhood and mine was different. He worked for his father; I worked because I felt I had to.
This wonderful young man that everyone in my family loved had a side that no one else saw. He was very controlling and had to know where I was at all times. He loved that I did not dress modestly but he complained that other men looked at me.
We broke up often and quickly got back together. Being alone did not seem worth it to me. One day he was teaching me to drive in the cemetery. I ran a stop sign and he smacked my leg. I went off. I broke up with him. The one thing I knew is that I would NEVER allow a man to abuse me. I had been abused by several men in my life and I was not going to allow it.
So we broke up. My whole family was angry with me. So angry that my own brother would not even speak to me. Because after all this was a wonderful young man who was going to make something out of his life. They only saw the good. My friends were angry with me. He continued to call me constantly and I continued to ignore his calls. I knew I loved him. I knew we should be together, that God brought us together. But I also knew I could not/would not live in fear.
That summer I was in a terrible car accident. I was 3 hours away from home. When I woke up from surgery my mom and step dad were there and so was this boy that I wanted nothing to do with. You see he had been at my house when my mom found out about the accident. He drove to the hospital with them and did not leave. I instantly made him leave the hospital. I was in the hospital for several days and for several days he stayed in the Ronald McDonald house across the parking lot. When I was released he volunteered to drive my mother and I home. My step dad had already gone home. I must have cussed him all the way home. Every bump was his fault, every turn was his fault and why did I even have to look at him.
A year later I moved from West Virginia to Maryland. I had to get away from him. I had to get away from my life. That year in between is a story for another day.
I moved to Maryland to live on my own. I was eighteen and 8 hours from family. I had two jobs. I had money in the bank. I was healthy and confident and happy. That is until one day my mom called and said that boy, you know the one I still loved but could talk about. The one I never wanted to break up with. Well that boy had called my mother and asked for permission to call me. PERMISSION TO CALL ME. Understand I did not grow up in the type of house where that was at all expected. I said sure he could call. We had been broke up for well over 2 years. Who knows why he would want to call me.
Within minutes he called. I was a nanny at the time. We talked for several hours that day. I left that job and went to my job at the drug store and instead of working we talked for several hours. I drove home as fast as I could and he called and we talked several more hours.
At some point in the night he told me he had several leave days (he was in the reserves) and I said well I live 20 minutes from the beach. That was a Wednesday evening. We decided he would drive down on Friday. I had two bedrooms in my house on opposite ends of the house. I was determined that he would stay at his end and I would stay at mine. He arrived on Friday. We went to dinner with friends because I did not want to be alone with him. That was Friday night.
By Tuesday afternoon he had found a full time job. We knew he would never leave and we would never be separated again.
That was almost 20 years ago. We were married the next year. We have now been married 18 years.
You see the man who I walked away from was an insecure young man. The man who walked back into my life was a man. A man who had grown up both physically and emotionally. We joke frequently that if I would have stayed in West Virginia we would have never gotten back together or he would have never made anything of himself. Those are his words not mine.
Was breaking up with him easy, NO. Was moving away easy, No. Would I do it again. In a heart beat. I praise God for this man he has put in my life. This man who could care less how I dress. Well that’s not totally true, he loves when I dress up for him. But with six kids and one on the way he is thrilled if I have even showered in the last week.
Have you ever had to let your love go? Did your love come back to you, better than before like Pam’s?