Today’s guest post is by one of my great blogger friends, Pam Petrie.Pam blogs at Troop Petrie. Today, she shares her experience candidly, and teaches a valuable lesson….

I was going into my freshman year of… well that’s not important. I was dating a nice guy. My cousin was visiting for the summer and my mom said I could only go out if I found her a date. So my date’s best friend went out with her. They hit it off and we had several double dates.

At the end of the summer I had broke up with my date. My cousin was still dating his friend and it was not going well. After breaking his heart, she went home. His poor heart was broken and it killed me. I cannot stand to see anyone in pain.

pam1

The short of the story is that we started dating. We dated for 2 years. I loved that I was dating a senior, I loved that I was dating a football player. I loved that I was dating a Christian young man. I loved that someone loved me long term.

But see sometimes love is not enough. We argued constantly. He came from a conservative Christian home and had a amazing childhood and mine was different. He worked for his father; I worked because I felt I had to.

This wonderful young man that everyone in my family loved had a side that no one else saw. He was very controlling and had to know where I was at all times. He loved that I did not dress modestly but he complained that other men looked at me.

We broke up often and quickly got back together. Being alone did not seem worth it to me. One day he was teaching me to drive in the cemetery. I ran a stop sign and he smacked my leg. I went off. I broke up with him. The one thing I knew is that I would NEVER allow a man to abuse me. I had been abused by several men in my life and I was not going to allow it.

So we broke up. My whole family was angry with me. So angry that my own brother would not even speak to me. Because after all this was a wonderful young man who was going to make something out of his life. They only saw the good. My friends were angry with me. He continued to call me constantly and I continued to ignore his calls. I knew I loved him. I knew we should be together, that God brought us together.  But I also knew I could not/would not live in fear.

That summer I was in a terrible car accident. I was 3 hours away from home. When I woke up from surgery my mom and step dad were there and so was this boy that I wanted nothing to do with. You see he had been at my house when my mom found out about the accident. He drove to the hospital with them and did not leave. I instantly made him leave the hospital. I was in the hospital for several days and for several days he stayed in the Ronald McDonald house across the parking lot. When I was released he volunteered to drive my mother and I home. My step dad had already gone home. I must have cussed him all the way home. Every bump was his fault, every turn was his fault and why did I even have to look at him.

A year later I moved from West Virginia to Maryland. I had to get away from him. I had to get away from my life. That year in between is a story for another day.

I moved to Maryland to live on my own. I was eighteen and 8 hours from family. I had two jobs. I had money in the bank. I was healthy and confident and happy. That is until one day my mom called and said that boy, you know the one I still loved but could talk about. The one I never wanted to break up with. Well that boy had called my mother and asked for permission to call me. PERMISSION TO CALL ME. Understand I did not grow up in the type of house where that was at all expected. I said sure he could call. We had been broke up for well over 2 years. Who knows why he would want to call me.

Within minutes he called. I was a nanny at the time. We talked for several hours that day. I left that job and went to my job at the drug store and instead of working we talked for several hours. I drove home as fast as I could and he called and we talked several more hours.

At some point in the night he told me he had several leave days (he was in the reserves) and I said well I live 20 minutes from the beach. That was a Wednesday evening. We decided he would drive down on Friday. I had two bedrooms in my house on opposite ends of the house. I was determined that he would stay at his end and I would stay at mine. He arrived on Friday. We went to dinner with friends because I did not want to be alone with him. That was Friday night.

By Tuesday afternoon he had found a full time job. We knew he would never leave and we would never be separated again.

pam 2

That was almost 20 years ago. We were married the next year. We have now been married 18 years.

You see the man who I walked away from was an insecure young man. The man who walked back into my life was a man. A man who had grown up both physically and emotionally. We joke frequently that if I would have stayed in West Virginia we would have never gotten back together or he would have never made anything of himself. Those are his words not mine.

Was breaking up with him easy, NO. Was moving away easy, No. Would I do it again. In a heart beat. I praise God for this man he has put in my life. This man who could care less how I dress. Well that’s not totally true, he loves when I dress up for him. But with six kids and one on the way he is thrilled if I have even showered in the last week.

Have you ever had to let your love go?  Did your love come back to you, better than before like Pam’s?

To share as story and be a featured blogger on Dangled Carat please email me

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Author of DANGLED CARAT - One girl's attempt to convert the ultimate commitment-phobic man into a doting husband with a lot of help from his family and friends................................... “Fans of Sex and the City - Grossman makes a reference to Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big - will enjoy the story, but its real-girl charm should draw an even wider crowd.” - Kirkus Reviews.

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14 thoughts on “To let your love go…..

  • 9 July, 2013 at 10:31 am
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    Ah, I love a happy ending and so happy the young man learned and you held your ground, sounds like a wonderful love story, with both of you having some loving foundation just needing some growth:)

    • 10 July, 2013 at 6:48 am
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      Lucy – I love a happy ending too. And weren’t you so happy with how this one ended. I didn’t see it coming! :)

  • 9 July, 2013 at 11:33 am
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    What an awesome story! And it totally turned out way different than I expected… 😉 Love a happy ending!

    My hubby and I broke up at least 3 times during our dating years, but I never stopped loving him – he just needed to grow up. And grow up he did. :) We’ll be celebrating our 10th anniversary next month…so there definitely are happy endings all around! 😉

    • 10 July, 2013 at 6:50 am
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      Stacy – Happy anniversary! I didn’t see the story ending this way either.. I had to read it again! I think that a lot of people break up and get back together.. Especially if growing up is needed. I think that is so much better than rushing into a situation… although I didn’t have a rushing problem with Mr. Commitment-Phobic..

  • 9 July, 2013 at 12:19 pm
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    I was lucky enough to find the right guy for me, but only after dating lots of duds. I had to date the duds to recognize the gem he was.

    • 10 July, 2013 at 6:51 am
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      Vandy – I am so happy you found your Mr. Right… And while at the time, the duds may have made you stressed and brought you tears, if not for them, you may not have appreciated mr. right… I know that happened to me…

  • 9 July, 2013 at 2:41 pm
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    I am so happy that he stepped up and changed his behaviors. There are so many men out there that don’t. You may be grateful to God for bringing him into your life, he must be grateful that God sent him a woman to fight for.

    • 10 July, 2013 at 6:52 am
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      Lisa – I think that Pam got lucky that he changed because she stood her grounds and that he knew if he loved her (as he clearly did) he had to change in order to get the girl…

  • 9 July, 2013 at 4:28 pm
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    ahhhhhhhhhh, so sweet.
    I’ve only had one true love…I’m still w/ him.

    xxxx KISsssssss

    • 10 July, 2013 at 6:56 am
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      Inner Chick – ahh… that is a happy story too!

  • 9 July, 2013 at 7:09 pm
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    I think it’s amazing that at a young age, you knew that the way he was treating you was wrong. I loved the way your story turned out!! And, congratulations on the upcoming arrival of baby #7!!

    • 10 July, 2013 at 6:57 am
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      Kathy – I know.. Isn’t Pam impressive? I think that so many of us, especially at that age, wouldn’t have realized / had the nerve to do something about the relationship… She did, and look at her, him and the beautiful family now!

  • 11 July, 2013 at 1:12 pm
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    I actually just did a free write about how my husband and I wouldn’t have been together if it wasn’t for my ex cheating on me. I saw the girl he cheated on me with yesterday and was actually greatful for her- because without her I wouldn’t have my husband today.

    I love when a good love story comes together! Loved this story!

    • 13 July, 2013 at 9:55 am
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      Kasey – wow – who would have thought that a cheating guy would be the best thing to ever happen… I am so glad that you met a great guy due to your ex’s bad ways – I’d greet the girl too!

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